Great Expectations
by Kalims
Summary: Self-acceptance shall set her free.


**Great Expectations**

Waiting alone in her cold cell, looking at the grey floor -thinking, wondering, debating. She was so lost in thought that she almost jumped once the fearful bell began to chime. She looked at the bars, hearing the footsteps of the guards getting louder and closer.

She sighed and looked back at the ground, staring at it with focusing eyes as if it was a work of art.

To her, it was. The ground of her cell-room was the new definition of art to her. It was the only place she was feeling peace in. She wished she could dwell in here -in this silent, lonely place, away from the people whom she left disillusioned.

She never asked them to believe in her. She never said she was up to their expectations. All of them, they just believed what they thought she would be like. Every achievement of hers was rewarded by tons of praises, smiles, speeches of how proud they all were in her.

However, her failures would never go unnoticed. Never. And although they never really punished her for her mistakes, but the look they gave her terrified her. It made her sense the profundity of her mistakes. They would make her feel great woe.

Their presumption was clear: She should be perfect.

She never said she would be, but they assumed this after tiring years of building and proving herself. That was how she was labeled perfect.

She liked making her surroundings happy, that was why she lied.

Actually, she never exactly lied, but she hid the truth. The truth that she wasn't who they thought she was. She was the only one who knew that she wouldn't live up to their dreams and the strong likelihood of greatness they saw in her. Or more precisely, they wanted to create in her.

But she kept quiet. She couldn't disappoint them, could she? Well, she sure never wanted to. She was asked to be flawless so she planned on being it. But the sensation it gave her was hurting her. She would feel like she was deceiving them -her friends, her family, her loved ones. And most of all, herself.

For some reason, they would always pressure her into being an example of probity. An example of flawlessness.

She hated that so much. Her heart would break everytime she had to do it. She would feel like she was lying to herself, like she was covering her truth from them. Hiding a person who was a part of her being from everybody. She hated that.

So she was determined on never make a mistake. She would die and not make a mistake. For them, she was willing to change herself.

Nevertheless, there was some side effects of trying to be seamless. Many, actually. So many...

Envy.

She had always envied everyone. Everyone who didn't have to be perfect. Everyone who had the right to be wrong. Everyone who didn't have to hide and cover their mistakes. Everyone who was free!

The thought of it had always scared her, but she wanted to feel that freedom.

She was hankered. Big time. Forbidden things are often desirable. She desired it. She longed and wished to have the chance to experience it. But she always was hesitant.

She never meant to do it. One day, she decided that she would never bring that subject up again. She made up her mind. She convinced herself that she didn't want to do anything wrong -anything disappointing.

What happened was beyond her control. She simply saw her world crashing down. She tried her best, but she started to fail. Almost everything she did went wrong, though she never meant it.

Their reaction provoked her to the maximum. They would always give her the same look. Like it was something impossible for her to do a mistake, something unacceptable. They just wouldn't admit that she too, wasn't protected from making wrong decisions.

She would feel like she choking. She was prisoned in their own expectations of her desitny.

They drove her crazy, and she got mad enough to actually...

The cell opened. She felt two pairs of hands grabbing her shoulders. Without looking behind her, she let out one, short freaked-out scream.

The guards pulled her up and walked out of the cell. They marched outside.

She promised herself that she wouldn't panic. After all, she wasn't afraid of the forthcoming.

Yes, she had done something wrong, and this was her being punished.

Punished for making the mistake, or more accurately, punished for letting them down. For not walking on the road they drew for her.

She was never given a fair choice. She had never done what she wanted to do. Never before.

That was why she wasn't sorry for what she did. She finally did something that made her feel normal. That was her biggest wish -making them see beyond their hopes and in the depth of her soul. Her human, faultful soul.

Killing Luba was what she wanted to do. That was the thing that finally made them see beyond their blinding beliefs.

Her true intentions was to destroy the Aurameres actually. The Aurameres that chose her to carry the huge responsibility on her back. The Aurameres that gave her the position she occupied, the position that demanded her to be excellent.

The Aurameres that somehow raised people's hopes in her. After the Aurameres chose her to guide, they all wanted more from her.

After that, her polluted self had to be chased away..

So she wanted to destroy them. Just destroy them and see what they would do. She only wanted to do one simple thing; make them see. Was that too much to ask?

Apparently it was for the cat-lady as she stood in front of her way. So she had changed her mind. Instead of destroying the Aurameres, why not killing their protector? It was almost the same thing.

And she had done it. The sensation that had overwhelmed her after doing a wrong thing felt... So right.

She wanted to keep doing it. Over and over again! It was like nothing she had ever experienced before. She wasn't lying to herself anymore. She wasn't disowning the un-ideal, imperfect... Normal part of the person in her.

Her thoughts were interrupted when the guards holding her from each side stopped in their tracks. She raised her head. There was a big crowd. She recognized almost all of them. Her fellow guardians, her best friends who always looked up at her as their role model. They always saw her older, bigger, faster, stronger. The Oracle who filled her head with dreams and faith. There was Yan Lin, who gave the girl _her_ opinion on _the girl's _future plan. The honorable members of the Congregation, who reminded her of her duty, her obligations and commitments, always mentioning that she would never have a normal life.

Wow. They all looked angry... And disappointed. It was strange that she didn't feel any rush of grief or sadness. She felt good.

She saw the Oracle nod. The guards marched forwards, taking her with them. It was only now that her eyes laid on the gallows. It stood clear in her sight. Steady and fearful. The guards were leading her to it. She was walking slowly with them.

She passed by Hay Lin, who was crying quietly. She noticed that everyone in the place was tense, and few of them had actually distraught in their eyes, mainly the guardians.

At this scene, her heart hammered heavily. She started to stumble in her walk, trying to stop the guards from pushing her forward. She looked at the gallows once again. Her eyes winded and her breathing became quite heavy.

The tension in the room increased. They were witnessing the natural reaction of a person facing death.

The guards were able to push her on the wooden stairs. They led her up and then turned her around to face the thick rope.

She was able to control her breathing again, she had calmed herself down a bit.

That was by simply telling herself the truth. She felt no sorrow nor remorse. Finally, and for the first time in her life, her surroundings didn't feel proud of herself -she did!

She closed her eyes, her edginess waning. The guards put some sort of bag on her head to cover it. Then she felt the rope around her neck. It was it.

"Do you wish to state anything, leader of the guardians?" The Oracle asked in his normal neutral tone, although his mind was filled with emotions. There she was, the great person with the great fate, failing in life.

All of the room had the same thoughts. They were all shocked. How could she do that? She was supposed to be perfect.

After all, she was the leader of the guardians, the captain of so many armies, the girl with the strong personality, the confident eyes, the bright future, the perfect qualities.

What happened to her?

The answer that none of them thought if was that she proved that she was no Goddess; she was human.

Will swallowed then said, "At least you got to know the real me before I die." She thought that probably nobody heard her, for she spoke in a low tone.

Either way, she felt the end coming. But Will meant what she said. In the last transient of her life, she had truly lived.

They believed in her so much that... She was glad she found an escape. To her, this, was truly tranquility.

Will breathed, "Yes."

Before she fell, with a genuine smile on her face...


End file.
